Laughing at myself

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
I already know I wont be able to take it when I go back my own ways. But i think in a breakup, 1 party will have to take the blame ba. I just hope by taking this blame she will be able to move on to a better life. I'll be praying for her to meet a better guy soon so she can start afresh and forget this ungrateful brat here.
Nasty words said, its does hurt me to say those words when i dont really mean it too. Thats the only way i can think of to let her hate me totally. Boredom is killing me. Suddenly my life has got no more meaning to carry on, have to find something exciting to do soon.
Tmr will be another new day, going to the food fair with louis, it'll probably be just a temporary form of killing my time. I dont really have the habit to emo at ktvs lets see if tmr nite's ktv will have any effect on me.
Went up to her office just now to pass back the house keys, the moment i saw her, i really feel like running up to her and hug her, but since i chose to leave i have to just treat her as an enemy. i dare not look into her eyes just now cos i'm afraid i cant control myself to continue with the act. I bet I've really managed to make her hate me this time. No more dragging on. Sad on 1 hand that I might nvr be able to see her again, happy on the other hand that she might be better off without me and some1 better might just come to her.
Duno what to do now, no mood for any games, watch tv like staring blankly at the screen, smoke also smoke less than 3 puffs on a single stick then no more liao. Wana go out but duno where to go. I really wonder when i'll be able to stop breathing and leave peacefully. Or myb some1 could give me a helping hand in that? better not, if not u'll be charged for murder lol.
During our marraige preparation course, we were asked to write each other's good points and bad points out and see which 1 do we see most in our partner, and as expected its the bad points. Its only until a breakup then i could see her good points.
1) She's very caring towards her partner giving him all the attention he needs whenever he feels down.
2) She a hardworking woman, may it be at work or at home. She does the housework with no complains.
3) Many times she will bring home something her husband likes and give him as a surprise.
4) Although shes not hungry, she'll still accompany her husband to eat. She'll even say she like to see her husband eat cos it really looks like he's enjoying the food.
5) If she knows her husband needs something, she will try her very best to help out.
6) Whenever she goes out with her husband and his friends, she will always spare a thought for his "face". Giving him the respects he needed in front of his friends cos she says all guys want "face" she's only doing her part as a wife.
7) She a good host at home when her husband's friends come over. Always offering to help them do something like pouring drinks and bringing in chips even when she's told to rest and let the others self service.
8) She keeps secrets for her husband very well.
9) Occasionally, she will call her husband during work and ask if he has eaten anything or not. but usually this will end up her hanging the fone feeling sad cos her husband will somehow or another scold her or ignore her over the fone.
10) When her husband cant slp at nite she'll accompany him to chat until he's aslp. If she's too tired she'll just let him talk until she slps lol.
11) She will make an effort to join her husband to do whatever he's doing at that point of time, but usually she'll be left alone.
12) During weekends when she wakes up early and her husband is still slping, she'll go down to buy him breakfast.
13) when her husband is very sick, she'll take leave to come home look after him and bring him to the doc.
14) She rather eat lesser rice at home and let her husband have more cos she scared he gets hungry at nite.
All these good points in a single woman, where on earth can u find such wife? Shld any other guy managed to make her ur wife, pls do cherish her. Don't make her sad like what i did to her.
From initial stage where i cant even write out 1 good point abt her until the break up stage i can now list out 14 of them. Its really true that a person will only start to cherish what he has lost.
过去的一切已成回忆，为一能做的就是把这回忆永远保留在心里。偶尔回想起来会很甜美。苦涩的一段感情就像咖啡，又苦又甜的感觉让人无法入眠。