Bewn so long since the both of us last met each other, i tot i have gotten her off my mind alrdy, but i'm so very wrong. I guess the more u want to get some1 out of ur mind, the more u remember it. Can't seem to do anything right today, so many mistakes i've made.
This afternoon was raining damn heavily over here, and the thunder was so damn loud and it was banging non stop. Instead of rushing to close the windows, i just sat on my chair and started to think of her, she's always afraid of the thunder claps, and today's thunder was very very loud. I was worried she would cry hearing it, i was worried will there be any1 around her to calm her down...suddenly all my thoughts were filled with her. Feeling is sooo terrible for me. I tried to divert my attention by relaxing myself playing some games but i just couldnt concentrate on what i'm doing, freaking mistakes i made in the game was something that could not have happened if i was in the right state of my mind.
Feeling so cold now, i wonder if i'm having a fever, there seem to have alot of mosquitoes appearing in my flat recently, could it be dangue? Well i certainly hope so, at least i could leave this world soon without me trying to end my own life due to all these unbearable emotional setbacks.
Just read her blog too, well, from what she wrote there i guess she could only remember so much abt what i've given her, i really somehow felt that i'm just a passerby in her life right now, some1 who is not even worth to remember, miserable is how i'm feeling right now. Already 1 month, and i finally found out my status in her heart for the past 3 yrs. Screw it, i've invested 3 yrs of my life to torture myself in agony for the rest of my life. Investment gone very wrong.
I used to ask ppl why do they pay $4 for a bowl of super spicy dry noodles to torture themselves, and now i have to ask myself why did i spend 3 yrs investing in something which will torture me for the rest of my life?
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