In life there is bound to have something that a person have done that will cause him to feel regret. Regrets can come in many forms, it could be a short term regret, or a lifetime regret. For many yrs, I've not regretted for anything that I've done only until yesterday.
It was really the biggest mistake i ever made in my whole damn life.
She was kind enough to help me move my things over for me but yet......Y did i have to lose my mind???? Y did i have to be so stupid. I told myself i only wanted to give her a last big hug b4 we split up but y did i have to slap her instead???
Everytime see movies those lovers breakup sure got 1 party say heartpain but i doubt those actors know the true meaning of heart pain... and for the 1st time in my life i felt my heart aching the moment my hand landed on her face. The pain was simply unbearable. i wanted so very much to cry out on the spot, but up to that point of time i was still stubborn. Once i reached home, i went out again, initially was only intending to go out for a stroll and let off some steam in me, but as i walked on the streets, my mood became suicidal.... i was very scared, I wanted so very much to break down on the spot and just end myself like that. I chose to run, run all the way home back to where my mum is. I called her up to apologise, not hoping that she'll forgive me, but just to let her know I am really sorry for my actions. I'm actually prepared to do anything to make up for her for the past 3 yrs. Well of cos she didnt really forgive me but instead she said becos of that slap she'll remember me for life. Should i feel happy or sad, i couldnt make her remember me for the good things i've done but at least i'll be in her memories for life for the 1 action i've done. I'm confused, but i've decided not to think about it anymore.
The very nite, i called up a few close friends, confided in them, and asked them out for a drink. i So very much wanted to get myself dead drunk last nite so i have an excuse to dash out of the road and die away.....but i really hate my buddies, I'm such a bastard yet they are always behind me supporting me, whenever i'm down, theres sure to be 1 of them around me, i hate them y dont they give me a lecture or even beat me up for that slap i landed on her....i was holding my tears the whole nite at the pub until david showed up. He saw me emo-ing, and told me its ok for me to cry tonite, i guess that was it, my tears only needed a little pushing, and i cried like a little boy outside the pub, i couldnt care anymore if it was embarressing or not, everything in me just came out...i gave myself 3 tight slaps for being such a bastard but i know this will never make up for that 1 slap on her. My buddies took a long time to console me and get some senses into me, at last, i know i shldnt let any1 down anymore, my buddies came down for me i know they care and definately they wouldnt wana see me in this state, I stood up, i've let 1 person down i shldnt let any1 down anymore. I'm bringing back the old Eugene who is a everything also bo chup even if the sky fall down kind, but at the same time, i'll work towards my goal from the moment i stood up. Everything i told her over the fone yesterday i will keep to my promise.
I find it kinda funny when most of my buddies thought i will become a player after this incident, to me being a player is no different from 2 timing, all u do is hurt others. I guess it could take another 5 or more longer yrs to fix up my relation phobia again. But its no longer impt, whats impt now is MONEY! In this world, no money no talk, when a person is rich, u dun have to look for woman but they will flock to u instead, but thats not what i want. i wana be rich, so in future if she lands into any financial problems i will have the ability to help.
I'm giving myself a long break from BGR, time to pay attention to building my career now. My face is still aching and sowllen from the slaps but comapring the pain on my face to the pain in my heart, i really wished i could cure my heart pain 1st.
Wish her all the best in her life, and yes she did not make a mistake leaving me, and i just showed her the decision was rite when i slapped her.
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