Had a chat with her on msn, it was kinda ok at start but as it goes on things started to turn bad. I dont know where shld i start from, lets just say it was me who cant take things easy.
I know it would take a long time to prove to her that i changed, it could be yrs, and what if few yrs down the road after i changed and she alrdy has a steady bf? I dont wish to be a third party. therefor i made this hurting decision. i will nvr again ask her for a patch back and i'll only continue paying half of our debts, new loans or credit card debts of hers i will not fork out a single cent. flat will continued to be deducted from my cpf. once they decide to sell it after 5 yrs i'll stop paying.
The only reason for the both of us to communicate now is only money, theres no more love between us, not even a single feeling for each other. Y did i make such decisions? cos she is definately happier without me in her life, and on my side i couldnt bear to know that she alrdy has another bf even after a few yrs down the road. therefore, to stop hurting myself deeper in future, i made this decision.
I guess she really doesnt know how painful having a heartache is. I hope she wont have to encounter it in future too. So long as shes happy, i'll be happy.
I'll never forget her for my whole life, not just becos of how deep i loved her, but also for being the 1st person to leave such a deep scar in my heart. I alrdy used to have phobia of getting into relationships b4, and after i've been hurt again this time, i'm just too afraid to get into another 1. Even if i do ever get into a new relationship, i will NEVER put in any feelings. Whats broken can never be fixed back to be what it was b4. Mine was broken b4 and now its totally shattered. Try to shatter ur mirror and then glue it back, i doubt u'll be able to find all the pieces to make the mirror perfect again.
My heart is dead, so is my body and my soul. I'm the nly 1 to be blamed for what has happened to me. Its the path that i chose and walked so i've got to accept it. I really pity the next woman that ever comes into my life cos she'll nvr be able to get me to love her wholeheartedly during her time with me. Just hope no woman will have to encounter this ba.
原来乘经拥有过，还比失去痛苦. I remembered her asking me the meaning of this phrase. Many ppl will understand what this phrase means by just reading it. The actual reason i used this phrase as my MSN nick cos its my way of telling her "I Love You" whenever i chat with her. Curious? This is the last phrase from the song I Love You in Chen Weilian's new album. I know i'm complicated and hard to understand. Thats y theres only 1 me in this world which makes me special =)
Goodbye to my relationship, goodbye to my heart. Would it be better if i go be a monk? LOL I guess not, cos it was the gods who played with my life so y shld i be their followers?....
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