I was being called a fool... but i thikn thats what i am.

Late at nite, chatting with online friend, kena scolded by her say i stupid. Well i guess that fits me just fine. I guess she just felt that I shldnt continue paying for her loans and the flat ba. Well but for the past 3 yrs i have not actually made an effort to pay them, so i guess its only rite for me to do my part to lighten some of her load now ba, afterall she's alrdy alone and her parents dont really help much. Somemore she say, "ppl lodge mata report on u yet u still so kind to her, u really stupid" Kns lol, lodge lodge lor, it was my fault anyway, and i'm used to prison life so it doesnt really make any difference if i'm charged or not.
I've decided not to go Macau le. Too many liabilities here liao, if i leave, she will have to support the flat alone again cos my side no cpf contribution, then her loans she got to pay herself and work part time, which is 1 thing i dont wana see her doing. My mum doesnt really agree to the idea of me leaving SG too, cos she scared i gamble away my money there when i'm free, scared i kena chop into pieces there by the gangsters. I think she watch too much HK dramas and movies LOL. I know this opportunity dont come often, but for my family and friends i think a little sacrifice wont do me any bad.
Feel like smoking now.... whole day only smoke 2 sticks, didnt know it was that hard to quit smoking. Hand trembling, nose sniffing, wah like cold turkey treatment sia. whats worse my mum keeps smoking in front of me =.= temptations.... i must endure man!!!!!!!!
Tomorrow will be the 7th day without her, the feeling is terrible, worse than quitting my ciggies. Today i suddenly came up with this funny thoughts, If 2 person are fated to meet each other but they are not fated to be together, do u think its the god that is playing with us? PLaying with us like a puppet tied to the string and he's controlling us. Well if its true, then y are there still so many mortals praying to 1 god or another? I rather pray to the devil if that is true, cos the devil always gives us what we want but the bad part is we will have to give back something in return. I wouldnt mind giving half my life span to the devil if he can bring us back together. But tthen if i do it this way i'm just being selfish, cos she doesnt like her spouse to die b4 her cos she canot tahan being lonely. i'm confused now.
Think i'll let my mind rest now, been doing too much thinking today, i think i'll be having more white hair soon....