Leave me alone~~~

How i really hope all these nitemares will leave me alone for good. For the past 1 week I've not been slping very well, partly its due to my gaming hours but also it was caused by constant nitemares. Been having repeated nitemares of the same scenerio but only at different places. Am i gonna just fall to these nitemares and let it control me?

Somehow i found myself kinda sensitive to certain words that ppl say recently. Like today when gaming, our guild topic suddenly somehow i forgot how it started, landed on hotels. Some1 happened to mention Ritz, and i just told them to stop the topic cos i hate these words. A few of my close friends know whats going on so they did eventually stopped. Felt like a spoilt sport at that moment and i somehow have to think of some other things to start up the guild talking again. Its already been so long and even such simple things like that i cant even let go. How is my life going to go on?

Been a long time since i had "Liang teh" and my mum specially went to the market early today to get some barley back to make barley water for me to drink. She keeps saying the weather is hot and she wants to drink it too, but i know she's making the whole pot for me. Why i said that? Well she poured the whole pot of barley into my personal use bottle and kept it in the fridge for me, and she even kept the wintermelons and put them in the fridge to chill them for me to eat as snack. How i missed this kind of motherly care. For the past 3 yrs, i don't feel like i'm being accepted as part of the family at all. I shld be somehow glad that i made this decision to leave that place. Mummy's boy? No of cos not. Only those ppl who have stayed alone overseas without ur family will know what kind of feeling this is that i'm experiencing right now. It something called Family love. My mum even offered to get dinner for me cos she knows i'm tired to go downstairs again to buy my own dinner. ( Was running errands today for my mum for the whole day). I only told her to get rice for me but she came back with extra desserts too. Thx mom. I love you.

Shall i try not slpin at all today so that i can get some slp without having any dreams tmr? Will this method work somehow? But i'm alrdy too tired to keep myself awake... its alrdy been a long time since i fell aslp on my keyboard, it just happened recently =.=/ Freaking lack of slp is killing me. How i wanted to slp early but i'm too afraid to have the same nitemare again. Now even gaming can't help me divert my attention and let me forget my unhappiness. I'm such a failure, i can't even find a suitable solution for myself.... somebody pls tell me what to do??? I'm really at lost.